9 Crazy Board Games

by JL Mayne

I love board games. I spend more money on them than nearly anything else, buying a new one about every month or two. As of writing this, I haven’t gotten a new game in over a month and I’m pretty sure I’m going through withdrawals.

To help alleviate my pain, here is a list of some of the most bizarre board and card games I could find. I haven’t played all of them, and some are nearly impossible to get your hands on as they are out of print and/or old.

I’m really not sure what some of the creators were thinking…

Pimple Pete

To start off the list, let’s check out one of the most disgusting games I’ve come across. I saw this in my local Wal-Mart and was amazed that it was on the shelf.

In the game, kids are tasked with being wanna-be Dr. Pimple Poppers. They spin a dial, similar to twister, and extract a zit on the poor plastic man’s face. If they extraction goes awry, his nose explodes face juice (water) all over the kids and table.

Perfect. If… you know… you’re into that.

Smoker’s Wild

This game was made in 1978 in an attempt to get people to quit smoking, or avoid it altogether. In it, the players choose a profession which benefits from smoker’s ailments, like a mortician, and go through life (the board) gaining addiction to various brands of smokes and pawning their addictions off on others. The game ends after one or more people die. Like real life.

This game is bizarre enough that I’ve considered trying to find a copy just to have it in my own collection. And the guy on the front looks a bit like my dad did in his early life with his crazy hair, though, I don’t think he ever smoked that much. Good ol’ 80’s and their silly antics.

Kingdom Death: Monster

This is one of my favorite games. And is also one of the craziest things I’ve ever experienced.

In Kingdom Death, you are a survivor, lost in a nightmarish landscape filled with hideous monsters trying to eat your face. And, they usually do. Seriously, this game is brutal. It’s rules are tailored to kick you in the teeth time and time again and leave you begging for more.

Throughout the game, you and your fellow slaves (?) murderers (?) just messed up people, really, hunt monsters to gather everything from bones to lion testicles. All while trying to stay alive and come up with new ways to kill your friends and enemies.

You should play it. Maybe you’ll get to rip out an antelope’s 2nd heart like I did.

Consentacle

My buddy has this game and I haven’t had the chance to play it yet. I desperately want to. Who wouldn’t want to roleplay having consensual sex with a tentacle alien with one of your bros?

This is a cooperative game in which two players play cards in an attempt to have sexual relations with each other by getting good card combinations. In one of the game modes, you don’t get to say anything. Which makes sense considering the premise.

The game is supposed to be ridiculous and a lot of fun. I need to hit up my buddy and have some sexy tentacle action.

Burn in Hell

Ever dream of torturing the souls of the damned in your own private circle of hell? This game gives you a tiny taste of what it might be like. You trade and steal cards of various historical figures who have somehow found themselves in Tortureland.

This one sounds pretty fun. Maybe they have make-your-own cards so that I can put a few horrible people I’ve come across on them.

Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove

If you’d rather torture parentless children than souls trapped in hell, then this is the game for you!

In Endangered Orphans, you choose a helpless orphan and roam Condyle Cove trying to not get eaten by the Boogey Man, while at the same time trying to get your friends eaten. Because it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and better them than you. The poor bastards.

The artwork is cute and disturbing, including the bones of past orphans floating in lakes and cats on lamp posts. Recommended for anyone who hates children.

Cards Against Humanity

 

Maybe the most popular game on the list, this game and I have a love-hate relationship which probably stemmed from playing it for 4 hours with my mom and dad. An awesome and horrible experience. Awesome that we were having a good time playing, and horrible that my mother saw that side of her adult son. She probably hasn’t looked at me the same since.

It’s a fun game, played out by simply picking a card, reading it, and then having everyone else pick a card that makes the most sense or is the funniest. I’ve learned a lot about sexual terms and horrible people from this game. There are also tons of expansions if you get burned out of the vanilla experience…  though, vanilla is far from what this game is.

 

Gother Than Thou

I’m kind of confused by this one. I really don’t get it. Of all the themes you could choose? I have nothing against goths, or any other lifestyle choices. You do you and all that. After all, that’s what the Motorist is about. The weird and bizarre. Challenging the normal and to hell with what others think! Long live the weird!

But, really… it’s made by either a hardcore goth or someone who was trying to make fun of them. I want to play it if only to see how goth I really am. You gain goth points and try to sabotage your goth buddies from being as goth… doesn’t really make sense.

 

Orgasmo

The name of the game is to last the longest. Something many of us are unfamiliar with.

 

In this sex-filled game, you play out wild orgies with a few of your friends using (I assume) cards. You’re attempting to keep you and your partner going the longest.

We could all learn a little from this game.

There you have it, 9 bizarre games for you to seek out and enjoy with a few odd and/or sexy friends. Maybe you could try mixing up your night by killing some monsters before having a wild orgy, or by acting them out at the same time. Whatever you’re into.

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